What is it like to once be hot, and then not. Yep, it was asked. Used to purge everything to weigh in at a slim size 8. Have walked for 25 years 5-6 days a week for at least 4 miles a day.
Keep my food down now. Have for quite some time. Made the conscious decision to not turn out like some fellow aging bulimics.
Have arthritis in both knees. Hurts to walk from car to building. Have gained weight.
Moving from vanity to wisdom. Have young adults seeking out support and maternal advice. Valued contributor to many lives. Beauty is no longer external. Internally attractive.
Trapped inside my body. Unable to do the things desired. God says reach deeper. He says…rely on my strength. Listen to my voice.
More than looks. So much more. Eat what I crave. Keep it down. That in of itself is a victory. After purging for over 30 years, the power to overcome my eating disorder is paramount.
Eventual knee replacements. This is a sobering reality. Aging throws its blows.
Full disclosure. This bites. Being fat. Immobile. Chronic pain. Yet His grace is sufficient.
Loving myself even with the extra weight and painful immobility. Choosing gratitude. Wisdom over vanity.