Recognizing that we are in a global pandemic, I accept that the priority is not my mental health. That being said, being locked up in a hotel room for the last seven days has re-traumatized my soul.
Grew up under a heavy handed Father figure. My whereabouts were always accounted for. At 17 years old, after a failed suicide attempt I landed in a psych ward, against my will. 18 years old, after stealing Father’s credit cards, locked up in county for two days. Finally, spent 3 months in a work furlough program to complete my credit card shopping spree sentence. And then this last week after arriving home on island, we were brought to a waiting room, where we awaited a bus to take us to a hotel room, where we were to remain until we were freed by the powers that be.
In each case, the authority figure called all the shots. Determined privileges granted. As well as restrictions employed. The right to freely roam as one chooses, is taken away. The good Lord did protect my soul. Thoughts of these memories eluded me while detained. Only now, am I able to clearly see the parallels.
30 years old, with a young toddler in tow. Immigration office early in the morning. Completed and submitted mandated paperwork. Literally 8 hours later all persons behind the bullet proof counter closed up and left. As the lights were turned off and the last employee made his way out, I asked a third time. “What am I to do? I submitted my documents and no one has called me all day.” I was gruffly told, “Too bad. Come again tomorrow.” Second class citizen. Completely disregarded. Wholly disrespected.
The combination of having freedoms removed against my will, and being treated as a second class citizen holds an impact.
Upside? After recovering from arthroscopic knee surgery, I was forced to relax and heal properly. And then I see that The Lord reigns over everything. He is in control. Ultimate and complete control. His will.
I did find myself in desperate need of the peace of Christ. I was more reliant on God this last week than I have been for a while. Perhaps He is calling me back to Him.
Therefore say to them, ‘Thus says the Lord of hosts, “Return to Me,” declares the Lord of hosts, “that I may return to you,” says the Lord of hosts. Zechariah 1:3